Ode to an Al

Let's talk about a gal named Allyson Clare.  Once every 2 weeks I get a text from her with encouraging statements such as "your blog is lame," "you need to post on your blog," "how come your blog is so boring these days?"  Well it's your lucky day Al, here is a post just for you. And if you recall, you are on the side panel of this blog which gives you the go ahead to post your brains out.  So why don't you post every once in a while.

Welcome to a photo montage of what you don't know about ACZ:

She loves low class hotels. I think it's because she can trash the place and not feel bad.  You should have seen the flips she was doing on this bed. I think there are still holes in the bedspread from her high heels.

She loves origami. Or in this case toweligami.  She's always folding papers into shapes or animals.

She's very regular.

She's a sucker for fake glasses, especially those without lenses. 

Her motto has always been "safety first." You won't see this girl driving around without her seat belt. 

She has an affinity for abstract art. If only Picasso were around today, she would be having his babies by now.

She loves birds.

She has narcolepsy.

If I could describe her in one word it would be 'sweet.'  She's always a complete lady, never using foul language or innuendos.

She's kind of a bore at parties. 

Let your mind run with this one.

Let's get real. If she were a dude I'd marry her.

HMC, ever heard of him?

Who is HMC you ask? Well you haven't gone on any outdoor extravaganzas with my father if you don't know who HMC is.  Hal Murdock Christensen, the one, the only.  The guy adorns all of his outdoor equipment with his initials. Don't think about stealing anything from this guy: camp chairs, oars, coolers, life jackets, and most importantly his most prized possessions--STRAPs.  It's a wonder his posterity aren't tattooed upon their arrival into this world. Now this guy is a rare breed, and a definite good time.  He sponsored our flag football team to their championship people, he's the real deal. Well, the other day I stopped off at his office and found a new addition to his bookshelf. Check it!

See that nesting doll on his bookshelf? HMC is not into nicknacks so I knew it couldn't be an ordinary nesting doll. Naturally, I read the words Osama Bin Laden on the outside of the biggest doll.

Well obviously I was curious, why does my dad have a nesting doll of Osama Bin Laden? So I opened it up. Who did I discover?

Saddam Hussein. What the.... I knew this was going to be good. No wonder the guy lets this nicknack stick around. Who could possibly come after this guy?

Well, I believe this is the controversial Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat. Well isn't that special.  
And next?

Honestly, I don't know who this is. History buffs, now is your time to shine.  The winner gets four quarters.
Correction: Kate says it's Benito Mussolini. She gets four quarters. Sorry homies.  This dude was one dirty Fascist SOB. 
And the tiniest of the nesting dolls........

Hitler, duh!

I did a little research and found that this most coveted set is called the "Wanted Dead or Alive Nesting Doll Set."

So run out and get yourself one of those before they're all gone!
You can thank HMC for this little treasure.

LockOUT

I'm not sure if you homies know this but the NBA is in a lockout right now (so is the NFL but I don't really care about that).  These 2 ladies and no baby are a bit chapped about this.  We NEED a Jazz season! Our happiness kind of depends on it, after December 25th the NBA season is one of the only things that keeps our chins up through the LONG winter. PLEASE...

Cat Paint

Well ladies and gents it is officially Summer, as of today, so let the games begin.....

Best app of the year goes to.............CAT PAINT!
Hands down, without question.

Exhibit A:

 Exhibit B:

 Exhibit C:

You can take an everyday picture such as this one:

 And make it into something remarkable.

You're welcome everybody.  May this summer be filled with soda, tan lines, and cat paint!

Undies & AK 47

Kate: "What do I need to do tonight? I need to do some laundry.  I'm out of undies, I hate being out of undies. I gotta get some more undies."

* Somebody get this girl some undies STAT!

Just when you thought Andrei Kirilenko couldn't get any uglier, he goes out and does something like this.

I would rather french kiss Rrrosa for 24 hours than deal with this guy.

You're kidding me...

So I really don't have a whole lot to say. Maybe that's why we haven't posted in awhile? Maybe I'm all out of witty anecdotes and outrageously ridiculous quips about absolutely nothing of significance? So don't blame me for the following... because it may be boring and totally irrelevant to you and your life.

I've been pretty happy with the NBA playoffs this year. After coming to grips with the Jazz's "midseason meltdown," I concluded that I would just sit back, crack open a tall cold one, and shout smart alec remarks about how stupid teams/players are, or be hyper-critical of everything the Lakers and Heat do. It's been oddly satisfying. I've had a very stress-free postseason and that's because I have no real vested interest in who does what. Just as long as the Heat and Lakers don't win the whole thang.

And guess what...

The Lakers got SWEPT in the second round!!! What could be better than that? Uh, I know, the Lakers getting a beat down in Game 4 by 36 points! 36 points, people!! That is embarrassing! What could be better than the embarrassed Lakers? Uh, pick me again, cause I can tell ya. How about the Lakers committing horrendously flagrant fouls (BYNUM, you A-wipe) in the closing minutes and disgusting sports fans across the country with their lack of class. Lakers are classless? Shocking! Right. We all knew the Lakers and all their fans are ghetto, wannabe thugs. So why not play the part. NEWS FLASH - sometimes it DOESN'T pay to be a horrible person (uh hmm Kobe).

Boy does it feel good. So the Jazz didn't make the playoffs... but the Lakers got SWEPT, embarrassed, AND tarnished their image. For ONCE, maybe it's not easy to be a Laker fan... Whoa, now I'm just being ridiculous.

Anyway, all you non sports fans, I would apologize for the above rant, but you should really be thanking  me when you can pitch in on office sports talk and actually contribute for once. (was that offensive? oh darn)

Hugh is doing great. Rrrosa is as peppy as ever, Al is lookin' fine as usual, and Beck is in bed at 9:29 this fine, Monday evening. So really our only area of concern is Becca. Oh and me? Hopefully, some big changes are coming my way. Don't you worry, I'll keep you updated on my exciting life (I wish it were more like Seinfeld, and I was Elaine).

That's all I've got tonight, people. I'll try and do better, but you know me, I can't make any promises. But thanks for being loyal followers.

Kisses

Holidays....ever heard of em?

I recently realized that Kate and I don't really like holidays, unless they are noteworthy, BIG, celebratory holidays.  Basically, we LOVE Christmas! Okay, okay we appreciate any holiday where we get a day off. But embracing and celebrating holidays besides Christmas, count us out! Sure.....we enjoy Thanksgiving and the 4th of July, but any other holiday, Nah!  New Years: super over rated, Valentines Day: neither one of us is romantic so NOPE,  St. Patrick's Day: yuck, it just gives adults an excuse to wear weird stuff like green wigs and face paint, April Fools Day: every teachers nightmare. "You're the worst teacher ever Miss C., APRIL FOOLS!!"  The list goes on and on. Well ladies and gents I am here to tell you about an exceptional April Fools Day had by yours truly.  I didn't believe it was possible, but I was proved wrong.  Here's a fool proof way to ensure a bitchin' April Fools day (pun intended).

I was visiting my brother's family in Kansas City. My brother is a doctor but he is still very much a child at heart.  By far one of the funniest/weirdest people I know.  I was enjoying the day with him and his family when I started getting all these weird texts and calls about a flat screen TV I was supposedly "giving away." I could not figure out why I was getting these weird calls, so I called my go to gal Ally and the same thing was happening to her.  Eventually we figured out that our home teacher had put an ad up on Craigslist saying that one of us had had an awful breakup and we were getting rid of our boyfriend's TV. Ally and I laughed a little about it but mostly we were very confused for a large portion of the day.  What a perfect prank to pull on your friends and loved ones, right?  Confusing yet hilarious for the person posting the ad. Well Cody and I decided to pay it forward. We put up an ad in Kate's name for a Les Paul guitar for a ridiculous price.  Kate's phone turned off because she got so many calls and texts in such a short period of time! NAILED IT!  After we laughed until we cried. We decided to continue to pay it forward to my bro Scott in Montana.  We put up an ad for his raft and trailer- his most prized possessions.  This guy was bombarded by the whole state of Montana inquiring about his ad.  Cody and I were dying, I've never had a more hysterical April Fools Day.  I guess it's what you make of it, right? Cheers to embracing more holidays.  Shabbat Shalom!

For whatever reason I couldn't help but add some weird pics. You're Welcome.