Wednesday, October 5, 2011

The do's and don'ts of dating....US

Alright ladies and gents, I'm not going to claim that I know everything about dating because that would be ridiculous, but I have been dating for 10 years now. That's right, 10 years! Here's what I know as a result of my decade in the dating world....
With Kate's input, of course (she refuses to be left out of anything).

Do:

1. Pay for our date, ALWAYS.

2. Bring me candy.

3. NOT ask me where we are eating.

4. Be a Jazz fan.

5. Shower beforehand. (you'd be surprised)

6. Quote Seinfeld.

7. Appreciate my sports knowledge.

8. Tell me how good I look, even if I don't look that good.

9. Take a hint, when I'm looking anywhere but your eyes on the doorstep.

10. Test me on Saved by the Bell Trivia. I'll whoop your arse.


Don't:

1. Bring flowers. What is this...prom? Don't bring flowers unless we've been dating for a while.

2. Insist on me sitting in the car while you sprint to open my door. It's noted, you're a gentleman, move on.

3. Order for me unless I ask you to, which I won't.

4. Talk politics. BORING, LAME, and will possibly lead to an argument.

5. Talk about how much you play video games with your friends. You being awesome at Halo or World of Warcraft makes me want to punch myself and Andre Kirilenko in the face.

6. Tell me how many chicks you've hooked up with, unless I ask, but I'm not going to ask.

7. Ask me how long it has been since I've kissed someone. I will lie and say this morning.

8. Tell me my butt looks good in my jeans when we just met 5 minutes ago. I will slap your mug and sprint all the way home.

9. Tell me how hard it's going to be for us to date living an hour apart, on the first date.

10. Pick me up at 6:00 pm and bring me home at 1:30 am, especially when I preface the date with, "I have to get up early." (perhaps I have to harvest my crop)

11. LET me beat you in sports, I don't need your pity.

12. Talk about yourself the whole time, and then tell me you're a great listener.

Post edit on Oct. 7:

As per Shanae's comment we forgot a crucial deal breaking don't.

13. Wear jewelry.  A watch is the only accessorizing you may do. Trust me, you will thank me later. Or maybe you won't, but you should. Rings, bracelets, necklaces; NO, NO, No!

Let's get real, this guy could do whatever he wanted and he could still have me.

11 comments:

Becca said...

this is great.

Jota and Corter said...

Ok, this is hilarious, and SO true!

Anonymous said...

Well, I'm happy to report that I've never violated any of these rules that I can think of. Luckily, my problems run much deeper than that!

MikeL

KellieKae said...

Amen x 1 million. This is one of my favorite posts. You don't need dating... but it makes for funny blog posts

Haley said...

dude, yeah. nicely done. why are most people so moronic that the simple obvious stuff we want--like, say, Ryan Gosling's body and voice--is so damn hard for them to muster up?

get with it, men. get with it.

na said...

I like this post because the title suggests that I can date four women and a bird -- simultaneously.

Also because this doesn't rule out discussing the legalization of weed on the first date, which has become my new go-to. Legalization of weed doesn't only bring in the safe topics of illicit drugs and religion, but it also makes for a great segue into Canada, healthcare, and alcoholism.

Ninjas said...

I made a comment a few days ago and I don't see it! What I said was--great work here ladies. What about jewelry? Never is it ok for a guy to sport more jewelry than me. I wear one ring.
xoxo

Ally Cat said...

brilliant

Andrew and MeKenzie said...

Love this.

Rebekah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rebekah said...

This is perfection. Love.