Saturday, July 12, 2008

Good News Minute


We've been blogging freaks lately, where's our medal at? I should be blogging about why a 23 year old girl with brown hair, blue eyes, and a bangin' bod is blogging at 9:00 on a Sat. night but I'll spare you. All I want to do is be a smart aleck and no one is around to appreciate my mood so cyberspace.....enjoy.

I hate good news minute, it's lame and a waste of my time. For those of you who are blessed with a world free of "good news minutes" let me enlighten you. It's 5-10 minutes at the beginning of Relief Society every week, where the person conducting asks if anyone has good news. In my ward it usually goes something like this. "I'm getting married (high-pitched squeal). I know all of you are surprised because I'm 33 years old and I should have been kicked out of the ward 2 years ago, but the bishop just had a feeling that my significant other was in this ward so he let me stay and now I'm engaged. He's not that cute and he is like 9 years my junior but he is so nice and we are totally infatuated with each other." Or this little beauty. "My mom just had another baby, which is really funny because I'm 30 and now I have a brand new baby sister so that means my parents have kids from the age of 0-30. Anyway, I just love my brand new little sister. " Ummm pretty sure that your Mom having babies when she is 100 years old is not good news. This crap gets so old, I don't care. If we knew each other well enough for me to care about your good news I wouldn't have to hear about it during "good news minute" I would already know it.

This week I'm going to church at my parent's ward without any of my other family members present, and all I want to do is go to Relief Society and say completely ridiculous and un-true things about our family. "Well, yesterday Rrrosa had puppies, which is such a miracle because she's fixed and she doesn't have any female parts. We are so happy! We don't know who the dad is but we are going to love them just as much as if we knew who the dad was." That's the crap I want to hear! Or "Kate met this kid at Lagoon and they eloped to Vegas, which is so great because she really wanted to get married." Or "My Dad decided to quit his job to try to break into the hamster breeding business. He's always been really passionate about hamsters and breeding, so we really couldn't be happier for him." Wouldn't that be a nice suprise to come home to tons of bizarre garbage about your family floating around the ward? I think we should consider "B.S. minute," where the goal is changed from who can be the biggest bragger to who can create the most hilarious garbage. Relief Society would be so much more enjoyable this way. I think someone should really give this a whirl.

11 comments:

Hay said...

ooooooooooh my gosh, i'm so freaking glad i came over and saved you from doing this again, because, you are a smart aleck!

just say this in my absence tomorrow k? something akin to: "K, Haley Larsen is totally preggers. Like I know ya'll think she's been working at Costco, and while that part is true, this part is better: she's only working there so her baby doesn't have to live off welfare checks! This fall, expect an invite to a totally hip baby shower in our cul-de-sac. Haley's already decided on a name! She'll be called, 'Costy Co I Dunno Who be My Daddy.' But, Costy-Co for short."

That'll stir things up, doncha think? I mean, if you thought Rrrrosa conceiving without a uterus was big, wait till they git a load-a this!!!

Love Haley Anne (ps: still can't believe that Coop bit the dust!)

Charli said...

Hey-Hey! You're close to treading on my sensitive feelings about being an over 40mother giving birth once again with 20 years in between the first and last child! But I can relate to your belief that old ladies as new mothers is not good news. It wasn't good when they broke the news to me anyway -- I thought it was a joke! But the joke was on me -- they weren't kidding !#&%!!

Two Ladies and No Baby said...

Hey Charli it's okay, 20 years is acceptable, but 30? Ryker gave us something to do, think of all the plays he starred in!
-Becca

Allyson said...

Guess what!!!! My sister's mother-in-law's dog's groomer is getting married!! YAY! Thanks for letting me take time out of the lesson that you put a lot of time and effort into planning so that I could share totally un-important and irrelevant information with a room full of 100 girls that don't know the engaged groomer and really don't care about knowing the engaged groomer or hearing about her engagement. You may now call on the next girl to waste more of all y'alls precious sabbath time...until next week!

Rich Wood said...

I don't like good news minute either because I always feel like you have to say something like "I'm engaged" or "I met the parents on Saturday".

Hey, and I totally appreciate how much you guys blog. You rock!

C&C said...

Becca... how I miss you sooo... what ever happened there? It's like, "I hate you Crystalyn" out of nowhere I swear! I'm glad I came across your blog because your sense of humor just made my own week... soooo funny. I have the best memories of you in high school like, "He'll hershey in his pants" oh my gosh, funniest thing ever but of course probably only I remember that. Anyway, since apparently you never write back to people on facebook and because you think it is "homosexual" I will have to settle with attempting to stay in contact with you on your blog... because I honestly love it and you and your sister. Funniest people ever made.

Sharon said...

Just for the record Becca, I like the good news minute. If I have good news I want everyone to know it even if they are people that I don't know and will never see again. I like my minute in the spotlight. You will be glad one day, especially when I tell everyone what hot guys you are dating and you can't seem to keep them away from you. Patty will love that! MOM

Two Ladies and No Baby said...

You would mom. Once again, more garbage to spread around the ward. Keep it comin'

neil said...

This is funny. I was completely oblivious to this practice. Priesthood doesn't do anything akin to this. In fact, it is sometimes much more the opposite. Like on Sunday I taught and opened it up basically by making fun of some people from a prior lesson. This is much more unifying. Laughing together is worlds better than sitting listening to mundane news together. Particularly if the forum doesn't allow making fun of the mundane news. Still, you probably got brownies and we just got a 45 minute class with no food.

Also should note that I usually mute my computer when coming to this blog due to the barrage of girl music, but today I saw the Death Cab and it kind of made me happy.

becca said...

btw, this is the best thing i've ever read.

Linda said...

I am a new rsp and was trying to find the original talk( was it sister pierce?) where she talked about the good news minute. We need it just so the ladies can get to know each other...we are in a small ward and in 3 towns! still..you are pretty funny. Any chance any of you know where that original talk is..I remember reading it, her encouragement to DO THIS THING!