Two Ladies and No Baby: Dear Columbus, if I had a day, it would be better than yours

Monday, October 12, 2009

Dear Columbus, if I had a day, it would be better than yours

Today is Columbus Day and I am stuck in the library. How does one get their own day? Must I become an explorer and discover great lands? Well guess what, it's 2009 and every land has been discovered. I'd say there was a slight advantage in 1492 when Columbus sailed the ocean blue.

I wish I was in elementary school today instead of college. I want to color the Nina, The Pinta, and the Santa Maria. Wow, I can't believe I can remember those names. I just reached back into a dusty corner of the "grade school crap" part of my brain.

I wish I had my own day. If I had my own day, there would be no work or school, everybody would sleep in, go out to eat, take a nap, and play whiffle ball. Yeah... that would be my day. Oh and at the end of the night, we would sing Christmas carols in front of the fire. What a great day.

Something they probably didn't teach you in elementary school was that the great Columbus died of Syphilis. Now that's a bad way to go.

Happy Columbus Day!

6 comments:

Malerie said...: all i can say is, my day would be WAY better then your day.; October 12, 2009 at 3:07 PM
Two Ladies and No Baby said...: Dear Mal,
You are no longer invited to attend my days' activities. Have fun by yourself while the rest of America enjoys a glorious, life-enhancing day.; October 12, 2009 at 3:29 PM
Haley said...: If I had a day, we'd all find make-out buddies and go at it for 24 SOLID HOURS.
Can I get a what what!?
Colombus got nothin' on me,

haleyanne; October 12, 2009 at 4:10 PM
Haley said...: I'd like to add after a little investigation...that Colombus' first wife either died, or was abandoned by him. And soon replaced by a twenty-year-old orphan. I wonder which one gave him the syph...?; October 12, 2009 at 4:24 PM
Amy said...: haha I want to know what you would call your day?; October 15, 2009 at 8:21 AM
Daynna said...: I'd definitely let you have your day if we could do all those things. Of course, Christmas carols would get a little old after a while... we could definitely improvise though with some good, solid, toe tappin' songs.; October 16, 2009 at 1:18 AM

Kidz are the Shiz Carner!

Almost in tears 7 year old boy. "Teacher this morning my brother called me a lesbian. And I'm not."

Just after leaning over a 7 year old girl. "Mmmm your hair smells good Miss. C. what do you use? Garnier?"

8 year old boy stays after school to ask. "So....where do you sign up to be a teacher?"

Playing Simon says I tell the kids to put up their two pointer fingers. Boy in the back row instantly puts up both middle fingers and waits innocently for the next command! Note to self...teach kids what pointer fingers are.

I had just asked a couple kids on the way out what they thought the weather would be tomorrow. One boy was talking about what the weather man said and I said, "I don't know how much the weather man knows." A little girl stayed after class and said, "Teacher I know who knows everything about the weather, Heavenly Father and Jesus." Holla Mormons.

We were talking about voting and the elections this past week and I asked my students if they knew who the President was a few knew it was Bush. Then I asked if anyone knew who was President before Bush one kid raised his hand and said confidently "Abraham Lincoln."

A girl in my class read her journal aloud today. It was all about what her Thanksgiving is going to consist of. At the end she said, "P.S. I'm a veggiterian (veggi-ter-ian)." So naturally I asked if she was going to have turkey she replied with, "Oh yes, I am but just because it's Thanksgiving." She's very passionate about her veggiterianism.

A boy came up to me the other day and said, "Teacher my sister has such bad karma, but I always have good karma." (hello, he's 7 how does he know what karma means?)

Today one of my little ladies came up to me and gave me a hug, then she said, "Teacher you are so skinny, my Mom talks about it all the time!" What the....kids will tell you anything, it's awesome, no filter!

A little girl slapping her butt as she's walking down the hall says, "hey Miss C. look, I have a badonkadonk!" I laughed out loud.

I pulled a little girl out in the hall to talk to her about being a good friend. She says, "I'm trying but it's just so hard."

I had them write about love, these are the two best ones:

"Love is like a smoothy, at first you think I really like this and then you think, what have I gotten myself into."

"When you kiss someone, you just do whatever they do."

"Teacher do you believe in the Easter bunny?" I've never seen him, but I believe in him. "Really teacher? I think in college they should teach you that the Easter bunny is NOT real."

Little boy came up to me in the middle of class to report this piece of info. "Teacher did you know that I ate all of my fresh vegetables?"

"Teacher what's our time limit in the bathroom because when I'm going number 1 and 2 it takes me a long time."