August 4th is a significant day for me. August 4th is a seemingly insignificant day to the rest of the world. But to some of us, it means everything. It's the day we lost our boy. Some of us lost a son, a brother, an uncle, a friend.
Two years ago today, I lost my very best friend, Seth. When I look back on the last two years, I can't believe how far I've come. I can't believe how fast time goes. I can't believe I've lived without him for that long. He was such a presence in my life, that I'm still getting used to not having him around. I think it's something I'll never get used to, and that's the way I want it.
Today I was reading over some old journal entries. I wouldn't really call it a journal, but I like to write, so I do it sometimes. And about 2 months ago I wrote this and I think it speaks for itself.
June 21, 2009
I don't want tragedy to define me. I don't want it to be the singular event in my life that makes me who I am. Of course, it has shaped me and changed me. Of course, it has made me question everything about myself and my life. And of course, my single great tragedy thus far in my life is forever engraved in what makes me, me. It affects the way I act; the way I react. It affects me in every single relationship I have. It is constantly in my thoughts, my dreams, my attitude. No matter what I do, I can't or could not stop the change which occurred and is still occurring in me. If I'm completely honest, I welcome the affects and change in me. I want this change and hope people can see this change in me.
Some of these changes are not all positive. I am more pessimistic. I am afraid of what is to come. I am no longer daring or as willing to take risks that may benefit my life. I doubt; more than I wish to say. On the other hand, I have gained immeasurable compassion and empathy. I can relate better to many different types of people and situations. I am not at all afraid to be myself and show people who I am. I love deeper and feel more.
Although this tragedy has changed me and affected me, I will not let it define me. I will rise above it and overcome. This tragedy will make me a better, more well-rounded individual. I am determined.
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Today, I think it's important for all of us to remember how far we've come. On this day, we need to remember Seth, and everything good he brought to our lives. Today, I'm only thinking about the good times. All the time I was lucky enough to have spent with Seth. All the good memories and all the laughs. Because on this day, we honor Seth and his life.
Today, I am grateful. I am grateful to have been blessed to know one of God's chosen sons. I am grateful that I can call Seth my best friend. I am proud that he can call me his.
And finally, I'm grateful for the words that still bring me comfort and hope to this day. Words that I believe will come true. The last words I said to Seth on this Earth:
I'll be seein' ya.
4 comments:
I love it.
It was good seeing you today, as always! Days like today are good days, i like days that are all about Seth, all day!
Be safe and smart in Hawaii.
Jealous.
Really jealous.
Send me your narritive about the wave.
ratty, you put it perfectly! You made me get a little teary eyed reading it! It was a rough day but you have grown so much from it! I love ya girly!
Kate, you are a wonderful person... change is hard, but it is good. Comfort is what we tend to crave, but change for the better is what God wants for us, and you have accepted His challenge gracefully. I am proud of you, and I love you. Thanks for loving Seth, and making his life better. Thanks for being my friend. Love, DOJ
Neighbor, You should write more often, that was some good readin'
you just gave to me.
I'm on my way to Rosa! She's safe in my hands.
Have fun in paradise!!
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