For those of you who are still living without the one permanent roommate whom you have to love no matter how gross he can be at times, I thought I'd give you a few signs of a bad roommate. If you do one of these things this is my really nice way of saying STOP. Your current/future roommates will thank you/me. When I google searched "horrible roommate" (never search "bad roommate" BTW) this pic popped up. So here you have it, 8 signs of a bad roommate.
1. You pull a half used can of sweetened condensed milk out of the fridge and drink straight from the jagged metal lip - EVERYDAY
2. Your boyfriend sleepily walks up the stairs and gives me a fist bump at 6:30 am (while I'm in my towel) on his way out the door
3. You buy the Julia Child's cookbook and decide to make everything in it after you've just watched "Julie and Julia" for the first time. But in your attempt you leave all the half cooked food (because that cookbook is damn hard) on the counter/floor/sink/coffee table/bathroom counter for days, and days, and days, and days, and....
4. You leave your used barf bowl by your bed when you leave town for 2 weeks
5. You take a cookie/slice of bread/cinnamon roll/deliciously gooey brownie and don't recover them so they get crusty and no one else can eat one
6. You borrow my shirt (after I've told you not to) and then get seriously sweaty tacos while wearing it and sneak it back into my closet with a wretched BO cloud around it
7. Interrupt me working on something important to tell me every single detail of your conversation with your really weird co-worker
8. Jolt me out of my very deep sleep every time you slam the toilet seat down at 12am, 3am and 6am
Got any juicy ones to add??
xoxo, Ally Z
8 comments:
Oh boy.....these are good.
I have a couple.
Don't separate from your husband and then move in with single girls, especially if the husband is living in the same complex. This will inevitably be very awkward for the roommates who are suddenly in the middle of a super dysfunctional relationship.
Don't tell me in a very dramatic voice that you are allergic to something and then eat a bunch of "whatever you are allergic to" in front of me. You are a crappy liar.
-B Loaf
PS: We could write a freaking book on weird/bad roommates!
Do I ever have things to add to this list.
Do NOT attempt to live off of canned Sprite and popcorn with stinky-ass powdered flavorings for a month and a half to lose weight.
Do NOT let your 7 ft. tall boyfriend move in, secretly, and then let him use our shower and leave man hair all over it.
Do NOT sell your friend's clothing on Ebay for your "Headshot Photographer" bill from your modeling shots you got for casting in the latest BYU production of Who-The-Hell-Cares?!
Do NOT be stupid enough to get scammed by fake photographers. (Re: previous.)
Do NOT eat four bags of Wendy's chicken nuggets and yell at me when I ask you if you are seriously still hungry.
Do NOT poop and leave it in the bowl.
DO NOT POOP AND LEAVE IT IN THE BOWL.
Do NOT tape up pictures of Jesus over every entrance to our home and then justify it by telling me "Satan cannot enter where the Savior resides." Because I will scream at you.
DO NOT play your new Wii Michael Jackson dancing game at 2 AM.
Do NOT tell me about your new CD of LDS Hymns. I don't give a flying rat's behind about your "music."
Do NOT play UNO or TWISTER with your boyfriend at 3-4 am with all the lights blaring, speakers in your room playing and doors wide open. I honestly could care less if you were dry humping in a dark bedroom with a closed door, so quit faking me out with all the background noise.
Do NOT leave a dirty underthing (never sure what it was) on my bathroom rug and then continually walk past it, forcing me to finally say "Get your jock strap off my rug."
Do NOT join "POF" to get dates and then complain to me that you're scared to go to Wendover with a complete stranger because you are pretty sure "He just wants a free ride and a blow job and I hate those!" Ew, lady. Seriously biggest "ew" of my semester.
And finally, Do NOT remind me of the rules of the "Parking Facilities" every single night when I've lived somewhere for three years longer than you. I will not get towed, because I'm in my reserved spot, you hideous fool.
If you do NOT do any of these things, you're probably weird in new, unthought of ways and as such, I am actually MORE afraid of you. I choose to live alone.
Wow. We've got some doozies here. Pretty sure our book would be a bestseller.
I can't tell if you people just have bad luck, or if all girls are just closet-crazy.
oh, wow, ally. those are awful.
and becca c. that first one of yours made me laugh so hard.
wow, haley, i don't know you, but you've got some great stories there.
the worst i can think of if when a roommate serial-dated almost every boy in our ward (which I actually loved for the gossip-fodder it produced), and when that same roommate used my blender (and broke my blender) to make a smoothie (with ice) every morning at 6 am.
oh yes, and the roommate who secretly invited her drug-dealing boyfriend to stay in her bedroom for weeks.
see? mine are not as good.
Please don't use my hair straightener when you haven't washed your hair in THREE WEEKS (or showered for that matter, really) because it makes the grease in your hair stink up the whole apartment and it gets crusties on my straightener.
Please do not pick skin off your feet and drop it on the floor or on the couch. I don't care to see the effects of your eczema. GROSS.
How about after getting out of bed in the morning, in a small room you share with TWO other girls, you don't step out of your crumpled, nasty sweats and leave them there for days.
And it kind of gives me the heeby-geebies when you come home from school at 1 in the afternoon and put on your silky pajamas and read romance novels all day long.
And one more thing, since you and I barely know each other even though we've lived together six months (which you get was intentional, right?), could you not plop yourself down on the couch to watch me while I'm huffing and puffing along to my Tae Bo VHS?
Thanks,
The Management
I know I'm late to the party, but I'm freaking 29 years old and I can't even do the math on how many roommates I've had, so here goes:
Don't iron the blanket you use on your horses at your horse training job in our kitchen, especially if you haven't washed it. Horses poop on those blankets.
Don't cry hysterically, alone in your room at 2am, when you run into your ex-boyfriend at the mall, because your brand new roommates will think someone died.
Ditto on the sweat tacos.
Don't date fat guys who wear wife beaters and let them sleep over.
Don't make smelly Japanese food at 7am.
Don't read someone's diary and then tell them they need to go talk to the Bishop. (For the record this did not happen to me. I would have freaking lost my mind and drop-kicked a face if this had happened to me. But it did happen to a friend)
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